COMMON TRAITS

Love Addiction consists of three components: Romance, Relationship and Sexual Addiction. We acknowledge all three as valid addictions. This group will be dealing with Romance and Relationship Addiction only. Sex, can and usually does play a significant role in both of these other addictions. However, incorporating Sexual Addiction into this group would make it too broad and unfocused for us at this time.

Addicted to "Love": Characteristics (p.187)

• Lack of nurturing and attention when young
• Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
• Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
• Mistake intensity for intimacy
• Hidden Pain
• Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost
• Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
• Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
• Depressed
• Highly manipulative and controlling of others
• Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water
• Sense of worthlessness
• Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
• Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
• Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
• Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty
• Using others alter mood or relieve pain
• Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
• Driven, desperate, frantic personality
• Existence of secret "double life"
• Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
• Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
• Defining "wants" as "needs"
  

• Experience genuine love
• Discover true intimacy
• Fill the aching void inside
• Grasp the meaning of life
• Find union with God

As a group, we will be working out of the Celebrate Recovery workbooks and the book, Addicted to "Love" by Stephen Arterburn. We strongly suggest each woman obtains a Life Recovery Bible and the Participant Workbooks, which are the tools we use here at Celebrate Recovery.

 ROMANCE - THE ADDICTION CYCLE


1 OBSESSION

Physical or emotional "trigger"
Consumed by thoughts
Plots, plans, schemes
Loss of concentration
Judgment impaired


2 THE HUNT

Driven to find relief
Seeks out someone or something
Point of no return


3 RECRUITMENT

Movement to resolve pain
Enlistment, enticement, seduction
Risk


4 GRATIFICATION

Object of hunt is attained
Other person steps into desired role
Thrill of conquest
Victimization of other party


5 RETURN TO NORMAL

Feel calm, peaceful
Switch" turned off
Mood altered


6 JUSTIFICATION

Pain resurfaces
Rationalizations
Depersonalization of victim


7 BLAME

Focus on own neglect or abuse
Refuse to accept responsibility
Lay problem at another's feet


8 SHAME

Blaming seems inadequate
Horror at own actions
What sort of person must I be?
Stuff feelings


9 DESPAIR

Elation-depression cycle
Utter despair
Resolve to fix what is broken


10 PROMISES

"Never again," list of promises
Fear of breaking promises
Return to start of cycle

*from p.51 of Addicted to "Love"

 
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